I don’t plan to offer answers here, just observations and an invitation to a discussion. This morning, my church’s men’s ministry had what I felt was a really good men’s breakfast down at the river. I have no complaints; it was actually my favorite one we’ve had in a while. But something was said that has had me thinking on and off all day. It’s not a new thought experiment for me, but it’s fresh again.
When it came time to sing, it was coupled with an explanation of why we’re singing, and why it might seem strange and/or awkward that we’re doing this at a men’s breakfast down by the river. To our men’s credit, they sang and made this worship pastor’s heart happy. But, I understand why that little caveat was included. I just wonder what has led us to this place where Christian men singing praises together has become a potentially awkward moment in American evangelicalism.
My only contrast to this is my experiences in Cape Town. The men’s ministry of Lakeview Community Church sang enthusiastically, with no speeches to explain how this might feel awkward. They were eager to sing praise and spent significant time doing it before we got to testimonies.
It’s easy to cry culture differences and let that be the primary explanation. But I have come to believe it’s deeper than that. There’s something wrong here in America that has stifled the worship of men. I’ve tried slapping several labels on this, but none of them seem to offer a comprehensive, satisfying answer. Let’s deal with a few possibilities. I don’t believe any of these have enough explanatory power to be the only reason, but they could be contributing factors.
The Emotional Block
This one is fading, but for all the wrong reasons. It used to be that boys were raised to stuff their emotions because “real men don’t cry.” These boys (including me) were taught a stoicism that, in many cases, caused them to have underdeveloped emotional health as adults. The men who resulted from that upbringing don’t know how to handle emotional people, mainly because they stuff their own emotions. Now, boys increasingly have been raised without a steady father figure to help them learn emotional control. Young men are coming into adulthood on the other side of the spectrum with a lack of emotional self-control. It’s not that moms can’t teach this, but there is no substitute for a father teaching his son how to control his emotions. However, despite that, many men in the Western church have been taught and modeled a stoic approach to emotions. Singing is a close kin with emotional expression.
The Lyrical Content
I’ve witnessed this one. Generally, men aren’t comfy cozy with lyrics and styles of music that feel too feminine. Matt Redman was interviewed, probably 2o years ago now, about his songs. He commented that he had regret about some of the lyrics he chose to use in his earlier music. He said the lyrics weren’t appealing to men because they were a little too “romantic” toward Jesus. He committed to using lyrics that were more singable for men. I’ve seen that in my own worship leading experience. There are songs that men simply don’t sing as passionately as others. And what Redman said seems to track with what I have witnessed.
The Cultural Differences
As much as I don’t want this to be a factor at all, it does make some contributions. Some cultures are just more expressive. That’s ok. I wish I could dance better, but my whiteness is strong in that area. However, I was raised in a particular tradition and culture, and I don’t think I fit in that mold anymore. Culture doesn’t have to be a straitjacket that you wear for life. I’m FAR more expressive in worship than I was raised to be. That said, for all of the advances I’ve made toward expressiveness, when I’m in Cape Town, I still feel like I’m the stuffy one.
What’s Missing?
Is there anything missing from this discussion? Is there something specific missing from the spiritual formation of American evangelicals that leads to this awkwardness with singing? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
