Marriage Matters – 1 Corinthians 7:1-24

[Transcript]

In the latter half of chapter six, Paul urged the Corinthians to flee from sexual immorality because we are members of Christ. Therefore, when we engage in sexual immorality, we bring Christ with us into that immoral act. Chapter seven is lengthy and begins with the other side of the coin: healthy sexual intimacy. In all, for this lesson, we’re going to address matters of healthy sex, singleness, divorce, unequally yoked marriages, and calling.

“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1 Corinthians 7:5

Most New Testament teachings about sex focus on what should be avoided: sexual immorality, fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and orgies, among others. The first five verses of chapter seven provide the New Testament’s only positive guidance regarding healthy sexual intimacy.

According to verse one, it appears that the Corinthians had sent Paul a letter containing questions. Presumably, this letter was delivered by Stephanus and his companions (16:17). Chapter seven marks the beginning of Paul’s responses to their inquiries. The first question concerned sexual abstinence in marriage: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” It seems this idea had started to take hold among some of the married couples in the church.

Paul’s response was completely opposite. Not only is this not good, but it also opens the door for Satan to tempt each spouse with sexual immorality. His remedy for sexual temptation consists of two aspects. First, don’t deprive each other. Sex should be enjoyed with a regularity that satisfies both spouses. This isn’t a license to demand sex simply because you feel the urge. Instead, it’s an opportunity for each spouse to lovingly consider the needs of the other.

Secondly, Paul appears to disregard complementarian roles when it comes to sexual intimacy. Neither spouse has authority over their bodies; instead, the wife has authority over her husband’s body, and the husband has authority over the wife’s (7:4). The marriage bed is distinctly egalitarian, granting each spouse equal authority over the other.

What does this mean? In simple terms, it means that each spouse should consider the other’s sexual needs. It’s not just one spouse steering the ship; sex should not be controlled by one person in the marriage. Rather, it is a gift freely given by each spouse, not a bargaining chip to get what you want.

This isn’t a foreign concept.

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4 (NKJV)

So, I understand that I am a man writing about proper sexual relations in a marriage, and it might seem that of course you’d teach that sex should be frequent and as often as necessary. But let me point out that Paul was celibate, writing to us about proper sexual relations (7:7). He had no skin in this game, yet he understood what we do when we submit to each other in sexual intimacy. We are protecting the marriage from Satanic attack. We are helping each other remain faithful. We are strengthening each other’s ability to walk in self-control and in holiness.

At first glance, it might not seem overly spiritual, but Paul understood that healthy sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is sanctifying, protective, and supportive for each spouse’s spiritual life. Therefore, if there is a desire to abstain for a short time so that you can devote yourself to prayer (sex fast), both spouses must agree, and the duration of the fast should be limited.

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.” – 1 Corinthians 7:8

The topic of singleness will be addressed more fully later in chapter seven, but here, Paul telegraphs his views on the matter. He believes that singleness offers advantages that marriage does not. Paul is a single man, and there is no historical or biblical evidence to suggest he was ever married. Therefore, his perspective on singleness is shaped by his own experiences and by observing the lives of married couples.

However, in this part of the chapter, the more relevant verse between verses eight and nine addresses self-control regarding sexual urges. If you “burn with passion,” you should seek to marry rather than entangle yourself in sins of sexual immorality. Was Paul suggesting that marriage is merely a way to legitimize sex? No, but the purpose of marriage includes healthy sexual intimacy. It is part of the covenant of marriage. Therefore, Paul’s admonition isn’t out of bounds.

Now, obviously, there are many more considerations for seeking a spouse. When I do premarital counseling, healthy sexual intimacy is just one thing that I cover, and it’s near the last thing. Not because it’s the least important, but because there are many other matters that can sabotage healthy sexual intimacy. The psychological/spiritual aspect of sex can be compromised by a multitude of other dysfunctional things in a marriage.

To be clear, wisdom is essential when approaching marriage. Is it the God-ordained path to healthy sex? Yes. However, couples shouldn’t rush into marriage merely for the sake of sex. An ill-conceived and poorly thought-out marriage will be detrimental to sexual intimacy in the long run.

“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” – 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

The subject of divorce is sensitive, mainly because it is so prevalent. You’ll find a spectrum of beliefs within the church surrounding this issue. However, the point that most churches agree upon is that divorce is not a part of the Lord’s plan for marriage.

Paul’s teaching here presents challenges. He forbids remarriage after divorce. The difficulty is the qualifying statement, “not I, but the Lord.” Paul qualified what he was about to say because it would impact the Corinthians significantly. Two thousand years later, it continues to hit hard. There’s no way to finagle out of the clear instructions in these verses. And, though the command to reconcile isn’t repeated for husbands, it has been widely understood that this applies equally to wives and husbands.

When one encounters these verses, there is a temptation for those who are divorced to despair. Perhaps you’re a divorced single and hope for remarriage. This passage says no; instead, you should be reconciled with your former spouse. Paul’s reasoning for this has depth.

First, here he spoke to believing spouses. The greater sin in that case is that two spouses who had been reconciled to the Father in Christ couldn’t find a way to reconcile themselves to each other. Because we have been completely forgiven and reconciled, we should always pursue forgiveness and reconciliation in our relationships. It speaks to the caliber of your faith in the Lord’s power to save your marriage. You didn’t give up on your spouse; You didn’t even give up on yourself. You gave up on the Lord.

Second, marriage serves as a living, real-time reflection of Christ’s relationship with His church. It illustrates to the world the depth of Christ’s love for His church. The destruction of this illustration only intensifies the world’s blindness to the Gospel. We are His imagers, and our marriages reflect His relationship with us. This makes the institution of marriage greater than just the husband and wife. It’s about demonstrating the Lord’s glory and power to a dying world. Reconciliation may be the most powerful testimony we can provide.

It is beyond doubt that there are circumstances that will make reconciliation and remarriage with your former spouse impossible. There may have been wrongs committed against you that you can forgive, but they hinder trust from forming again. Your ex-spouse may have no interest in reconciliation and remarriage. Sometimes, they remarry and leave you with no opportunity to reconcile. What then? Trust the Lord, and lean upon His grace and mercy, and let Jesus lead you.

In circumstances where reconciliation is not possible, I believe remarriage is permissible. When you have done your due diligence to seek reconciliation and are still rejected, lean into the Lord’s compassion, grace, and mercy. Ask the Lord for a new spouse. Seek His will carefully, and see who He provides. Don’t get ahead of Him, but let Him lead you. Don’t take the reigns in this, but let Him guide you all the way. I would rather be in His will and single than trust in my own understanding and walk into a marriage of my own making.

“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15

Continuing his teachings on divorce, Paul made a distinction for marriages in which one spouse believes while the other does not. At first glance, it appears that Paul made an exception to his teachings in verses ten and eleven, permitting the believing spouse to remarry if the unbelieving spouse seeks a divorce. However, interpreters aren’t unified over Paul’s intended meaning in this verse. Some appeal to 7:39 as the rule and that even in these cases, remarriage is not permitted. Others would say that because God has called the believing spouse to peace, they would be released from the futility of reconciling with an unbeliever who abandoned the marriage. The latter interpretation seems to be the more likely one.

However, the believing spouse is not permitted to initiate a divorce. Why? Because the believing spouse may lead the unbelieving spouse to Jesus. This perspective is very kingdom-minded. If you are the believing spouse in an unequally yoked marriage, your faith in the Lord can guide your partner toward salvation. It demonstrates a tangible commitment to placing the Kingdom potential of your unbelieving spouse above your own desires. The unbelieving one is “made holy” by the believing one (7:14). This doesn’t necessarily mean they will be saved, but your faith is performing a sanctifying work that can effectively remove the obstacles to faith for your husband or wife.

I understand that this can be difficult. Over the years I’ve witnessed several marriages where the husband or wife gets saved and becomes the only believing spouse. It’s seldom an easy thing. The believing spouse becomes steadily more grieved over the sins that the unbelieving one continues to do. It wasn’t a problem before, but now it is. Sadly, I’ve witnessed compromise on the part of the believing one where they back off and quench the fire of their faith for the sake of less conflict. That’s no good either because the conflict just moves from the outside to the inside. The only solution with hope is to remain faithful to Jesus, endure whatever conflict it may create, and pray that the Lord opens their eyes.

“Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.” – 1 Corinthians 7:20

At times, when people are saved, their temptation is to change their circumstances as soon as possible. Paul isn’t so sure. In fact, he instructed the Corinthians to remain where they were. Let’s first discuss what this does not mean. If you were an addict of any kind before you were saved, Paul wasn’t commanding you to stay an addict or to remain in situations that would keep you in addiction. Any circumstance that leads you to sin or allows ongoing sins against you should be left behind as soon as possible.

What Paul means is this: the Lord saved you in a specific place, time, and circumstance, and there is a purpose in that. He argued that if you were born a Gentile, you shouldn’t seek to become Jewish or vice versa. The Lord’s work for you begins where He saved you; it may not end there, but it starts there. He pointed out that if you were a slave when you believed, you should remain a slave unless an opportunity for freedom arises (7:21). Don’t rush to make drastic changes, but prayerfully consider why the Lord has placed you here and now.

This may seem to stray from the topic of marriage, but it doesn’t. He’s addressing the saved spouse in an unequally yoked marriage. Stay put and see what the Lord does. His plans for you begin where He saved you. Walk with Him and stay in step with the Holy Spirit. However, based on Paul’s examples, the concept has a wide application.

“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” – 1 Corinthians 7:14

The wording of this verse has caused enormous discussion. Earlier, we covered that the believing spouse’s faith sanctifies (makes holy) the other. Paul took it even further and said it also makes the children holy. In this verse, his use of the word holy is a little outside of how he uses it elsewhere.

The Greek word hagiazō is translated by the ESV as “made holy.” This term is most often applied to believers, as they are made holy in Christ. In this context, Paul states that the believing spouse makes the unbelieving spouse and their children holy. The difficulty here is translating the word in a way that doesn’t strip it of meaning yet doesn’t contradict other plain teachings.

The likely meaning is what we said earlier. The sanctifying work of a believing spouse’s faith clears obstacles to faith. It plows the soil of the unbelieving spouse’s heart. It does the same thing for their children. In fact, the very reason God hates divorce is revealed in Malachi.

“But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.” – Malachi 2:15 (NKJV)

A faithful marriage, even if only one spouse believes, enhances the likelihood of godly offspring, which is what the Lord desires.